my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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