I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize