I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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