I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
