At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize