so explain again why im purple
no
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i think i just lost a toe
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
