we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
