I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Randomize
