I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
tell me about the fingering
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