There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
