I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize