she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
