maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
