operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
