HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
