____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
