if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
