He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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