half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
