Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
