I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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