you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
