i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
