Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think i have two assholes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
