i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
