I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
