Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize