That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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