Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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