I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
