genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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