don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
