wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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