he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
