I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
