It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
