Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize