their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Can i not drive my cunt home
People in love make me want to vomit
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found your dick twin last night
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
