Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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