woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So much rum. So many feels.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
