HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
