i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
