Define "chronic" masturbator.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
