"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just puked most of my soul out..
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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