why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize