I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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