tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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