I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
