BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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