i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Life is so much better after having sex.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
