I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
