if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
