I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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