Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
