hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
