Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
