So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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