he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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