I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
