By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
