u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
