Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize