he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
