I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
