he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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