Where is the hickey?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize