She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
