she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize