I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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