I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize