Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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