she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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