his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
