so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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