i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
