Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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