I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
