Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
