i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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