just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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