Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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