how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
