i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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