what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
