I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Houston, we have a squirter
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
