Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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