I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
