Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
