That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
