did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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