i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize