Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
