We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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