I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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