Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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