It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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