all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
