words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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