Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The best revenge is premature balding
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
