just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
