they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize