He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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