Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
