I smell stomach acid.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
