I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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