It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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